All of the posts about love were for my own sake. I was frustrated and had to put my emotional energy somewhere. It’s not healthy to suppress emotions. Bottled up emotions will kill a man.
But, I’m tired of thinking about her. I’m tired of hoping for a miracle. Clearly, she doesn’t care about me at all and I’m ok with that.
I’m out da door. . . . . you feel me? 🙂
Update 7/12/2026: A close friend who does not know the young woman that I’ve been heartbroken over, or anything about her asked “Why are you giving up on her? It’s not like you to give up.” I had to think long and hard because he is right, it is not like me.
In this case, it is almost a year since we have spoken. I cannot contact her. I promised that I would not. That means the only way to talk again is for her to reach out to me. She has not. I have waited. . . and wished and hoped for almost a year. Mostly, I have suffered the entire time. How much longer should I suffer? I can’t do this anymore (but she is not to blame, I am torturing myself).
If she had feelings for me but could not be with me, I would expect that she would have told me rather than leave me in limbo, not knowing WTF is going on. My only conclusion must then be that she does not give a flying fuck about me or my feelings for her. In that case, ok. I’m not angry. I’m not sad. I don’t think poorly of her. I simply accept that it is what it is, and that I must move ahead with my life.
Update 7/13/2026: I was asked if i fear living alone. First, as a man, I fear only 2 things, venomous snakes and jumping out of planes! lol Seriously, I’ve been alone for 28+ years and love living alone. Why? I have peace, no drama, no bullshit from anyone. Also, all of the quiet time forces you to see yourself and to get better coz guaranteed, you won’t like who see initially. And, you become a better person, eat healthier, take good care of yourself, patch your own wounds (physical and emotional) get strong and commune with God, Jesus, The Blessed Mother and angels. My perfect life is the one I am living, but one that adds a woman who loves me and who I can love. She would live a short distance away, not under my roof. We’d be good friends, laugh, play and when necessary, be serious. If she were majorly younger, we could tell family and friends that I am simply her life coach, or something similar. I don’t like lying but to protect her from the snarky ‘gold-digger’ comments, lying about our relationship is justified, at least for a while. Oh. . . and we’d fuck a lot! ha, ha, ha…
